1984, The Saga Begins

The Life Uski takes us back into the mid 80’s, 1984, November 21, to be exact. Life then was, well I don’t know, I wasn’t old enough to know or understand the world and its workings. Like all babies, I came into the world the usual way, and usual it was. At birth, it’s chance. Do you live? Do you die? Or when the doctor slaps your bum does the first urge of survival come into play with a loud rebel yell! For me, I came in silent as the lamb, not breathing, and . . . green. It’s hard being green, y’know? Well according to my dad I was green. Go figure. Why? God only knows.

So at first glance I am this freaky looking green thing with the umbilical cord wrapped around my little neck; already life was trying to kill me. Well the questions stands, did you survive? Gee, you tell me, did I? Or is this some kind of Plus One/Minus One thing? Seeing life with me in it compared to the alternative. I’m sure some great philosopher will be able to give you a better answer than I could. I’m not going to try.

Well, I did survive. Life didn’t defeat me there, it was not my Waterloo.

The doctors removed the cord and got me breathing, one of my lungs was under developed so I spent some time in a machine so that my lung would fully develop-even to this day I don’t think it has. The doctor said I’d have juvenile asthma, he was right. Through birth and the early part of my life, I struggled. It was an uphill battle sometimes but I wasn’t as bad as my cousin who needed shots and breathing treatments, so I guess in reflection, I was lucky? When I cried out for the first time, it let people know I was going to be just fine, and boy did I have some pipes or what! Did I swallow a pipe organ or something, though you’d thought I had?

I can’t tell you much about my earliest years because, like I said, I wasn’t old enough to understand. I’ve heard my parents talking about how I was quiet as a church mouse and that a lot of people thought I was “slow” or “retarded” and they meant it. I didn’t talk much to anyone; I really didn’t have anything to say to anyone about anything. I was in my own little world. I was an odd child, some would say.

I didn’t talk, I didn’t play with other kids, I did my own thing, I hid from people that I didn’t know, I would shy away from the world and everyone that tried to have contact with me. There was only one person who I followed around and that was my mom. Of course, mom was the first word I said. I didn’t say “Dad” until I was three.

Ok so I’ve kind of side tracked a little, my great-grandparents thought I was slow because I was different from my brother and my other two cousins. One of my other relatives thought I was stupid and retarded because I did not understand the concept of death. My great-grandfather had passed away and I kept asking where he was.

So for someone who struggled at an early age, for someone who was slow and retarded, for someone who was different and didn’t fit in; I think I’ve done quite well for myself and to be where I am. I think I have proved them all wrong in my own rights.

Pan

The pale moon lingers beneath the willow leaves,
Shadows dancing on the lawn betwixt the embers of the worms glow
The gnomes and faes dash away as the madness spirals out of control
Dancing mad in the loom
With eyes saddened deep
Calling forth Pan the wanderlust king
To end the day,
Forever more night
Twisting and lusting
The loss of hope
Chancing to see deep, deeper still,
The well, Pan cometh.

With Friends like these . . .

We've all heard the saying, "With friends like these, why need enemies?" or "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer." There is a very thin line between friend and enemy; most of the time you hear "frienemy". In today's society, "frienemy" has become the norm. It's a dog eat dog world and people will always have ulterior motives and hidden agendas.

There comes a point in a persons life when you evaluate yourself and the company you keep. Is it worth being around the company you keep? Do both parties gain? Is it one sided? Does the company you keep make you grow as a person? Does the company hinder you in any aspect?

These all questions I have asked myself over the years. In the end, I know the answers but I don't walk away when I should. I love the company I keep. I would like to think I gain from having them around and they gain from having me around. Some friendships are one sided but what can I do about that? I believe that having these people around me has helped me grow into the person I want to be. There are a few people who hinder me but it happens with every group you come into contact with.

You've got some good people and some bad people in every group, you just have to have to the knowledge to know who is who, the courage to stand up for yourself and the strength to not get discouraged. Sadly, it is easily to get discouraged especially when everyone is close knit within the group.

There are times when one person becomes, who is elected, or seen as the leader of the group and everyone is supposed to feel and think like the "fearless leader". WRONG! Never give up who you are just to satisfy some ideal that one person leads your life and is Queen B. Friends should never use other friends as a weapon to further their own ideals and agendas, that, my dear reader, is what you call a user and perhaps an abuser.

We all need people in our lives for whatever reason we see fit at the time, but there comes a time when said friendships just aren't worth fighting or keeping any more. Never part ways on bad terms, you never know when you might need this person in the future. People come and go, that's a given. Sometimes we are given friendships/companions for a time when we need direction or confirmation of self; to cast out all doubts.

Today, that lesson was learned . . . a very bitter resolution.

You can go through life thinking all is peachy keen, it's easy enough to do if you're not a thinker, dreamer, or introvert. Sorry to burst your bubble, but . . . the truth is, someone somewhere is using you for their benefit. People can talk you up and then once your back is turned, rip the earth out from under your feet. People can be so cruel.

Let me give you an example:

Person A goes through life hiding from the world, decides one day to step out from the shadows.
Group A is shocked, laughs, jokes and Person A gets made the butt-end of their jokes and debates.
Person A goes back into the shadows and back to being what others thought Person A was.

Down the road, Person A opens up to Person B and to Group B
Group B and Group A merge and form Group C
Group C knows about Person A and Person B being "different"
Group C is cool with Person B's lifestyle
Person A is still being debated and questioned.

9 years later . . .

Person A is married and travelling the world with his wife, but he is still "different"
Person G from Group C says they are in a relationship with Person D from Group C, (same sex)
It was a joke
Person A is offended because of the crap he had to go through when he first stepped out
Person G and Person D were two of the people that gave Person A shit about being "different".
Person A told Person G that it's not funny and a bit on-the-nose considering what he was put through.
Person G laughs it off saying that Person B has no problem with it being a joke.
Person B is seen as the leader of Group C

Basically . . . Person A had no reason to feel and think as they did because Person B has no issues with it and it was a joke. Sometimes, jokes aren't funny and they can hurt like hell.

So there comes a point in ones life when you have to sit down and think about the company you keep. Can you be you around your friends or do you have to hide? If you have to hide, they are not your friends. If they make fun of you or debate you, they are not your friends. If they use another friend to justify their ends to a means, they are not your friends. If what you think and say doesn't matter to them, they are not your friends.

Friends support you and share their life and inner most darkest secrets with you and vice versa. It's a two lane road but if your are pulling the weight to uphold a friendship, let it fall along the way because obviously it's not worth it to the other person.

It's easy for me to preach but it's hard for me to practice . . . friends mean everything to me and it hurts when I know that I am considered to be beneath them; that what I say and think doesn't matter. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I know I should walk away but if I do . . . I have nothing there for me any more when I return besides family.  I guess you could say, dear reader, that I am afraid of being alone.

When it's all been said and done many times over, the same old dance, I guess there's nothing left to say but goodbye . . . because I've got nothing left to lose but so much more to gain.

Who or what is an Uski?

"Uski", an interesting word that has no meaning or value as a word but here it is, none the less, a word. Is it a word you may ask. The answer is no, yet there it is. Like many other words in the dictionary, it just is, without reason or understanding.

But what does it mean, you might ask, well . . . by definition "Uski" does not exist, though it doesn't know that and if you tell it that, it will laugh and tell you otherwise. For "Uski" is here and it is tangible, it has a reflection and therefore "Uski" knows "Uski" exists.

"But what does it MEAN!?"

Now now . . . I can't tell you everything about a "Uski" because "Uski" is still being discovered. But here is what I can tell you. "Uski" is much like the Do-Do bird, for it's the only one. It can not be replicated or replaced. Once it's here, it's here to stay. For how long? It doesn't even know.

"Uski" is not a person, place, thing or idea. It just is and it is not bound by any law or creed except for it's own feelings, thoughts and actions.

"But you just said it is not a person, place, thing or idea . . . so how can it feel, think and act?"

Well, as I said before, "Uski" doesn't exist, though it does not know that. So to "Uski", it can exist, feel, think and act.


"You still haven't answered my question, what does it mean?"

*Sigh* I do not know, nor does "Uski" but I think he will have a better idea of what "Uski" is than I ever would.

"Is it a bird?"
No.

"Is it an animal?"
No, but it likes to think it is.

"Where is "Uski"?
He is on Earth.

"That doesn't answer my question."
Right now, he is in New Zealand.

"Where does he come from?"
Well, I do believe he arrived here in North America, but my sources could be wrong.

"So, who or what does "Uski" mean?"
From what I am told, "Uski" is a United States Honorary Kiwi, but it could be wrong. Only "Uski" knows for sure.

The Life of Uski will give you, reader, the chance to learn about an "Uski" and what an "Uski" really is. What an "Uski" thinks, feels and how "Uski" acts.