With Friends like these . . .

We've all heard the saying, "With friends like these, why need enemies?" or "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer." There is a very thin line between friend and enemy; most of the time you hear "frienemy". In today's society, "frienemy" has become the norm. It's a dog eat dog world and people will always have ulterior motives and hidden agendas.

There comes a point in a persons life when you evaluate yourself and the company you keep. Is it worth being around the company you keep? Do both parties gain? Is it one sided? Does the company you keep make you grow as a person? Does the company hinder you in any aspect?

These all questions I have asked myself over the years. In the end, I know the answers but I don't walk away when I should. I love the company I keep. I would like to think I gain from having them around and they gain from having me around. Some friendships are one sided but what can I do about that? I believe that having these people around me has helped me grow into the person I want to be. There are a few people who hinder me but it happens with every group you come into contact with.

You've got some good people and some bad people in every group, you just have to have to the knowledge to know who is who, the courage to stand up for yourself and the strength to not get discouraged. Sadly, it is easily to get discouraged especially when everyone is close knit within the group.

There are times when one person becomes, who is elected, or seen as the leader of the group and everyone is supposed to feel and think like the "fearless leader". WRONG! Never give up who you are just to satisfy some ideal that one person leads your life and is Queen B. Friends should never use other friends as a weapon to further their own ideals and agendas, that, my dear reader, is what you call a user and perhaps an abuser.

We all need people in our lives for whatever reason we see fit at the time, but there comes a time when said friendships just aren't worth fighting or keeping any more. Never part ways on bad terms, you never know when you might need this person in the future. People come and go, that's a given. Sometimes we are given friendships/companions for a time when we need direction or confirmation of self; to cast out all doubts.

Today, that lesson was learned . . . a very bitter resolution.

You can go through life thinking all is peachy keen, it's easy enough to do if you're not a thinker, dreamer, or introvert. Sorry to burst your bubble, but . . . the truth is, someone somewhere is using you for their benefit. People can talk you up and then once your back is turned, rip the earth out from under your feet. People can be so cruel.

Let me give you an example:

Person A goes through life hiding from the world, decides one day to step out from the shadows.
Group A is shocked, laughs, jokes and Person A gets made the butt-end of their jokes and debates.
Person A goes back into the shadows and back to being what others thought Person A was.

Down the road, Person A opens up to Person B and to Group B
Group B and Group A merge and form Group C
Group C knows about Person A and Person B being "different"
Group C is cool with Person B's lifestyle
Person A is still being debated and questioned.

9 years later . . .

Person A is married and travelling the world with his wife, but he is still "different"
Person G from Group C says they are in a relationship with Person D from Group C, (same sex)
It was a joke
Person A is offended because of the crap he had to go through when he first stepped out
Person G and Person D were two of the people that gave Person A shit about being "different".
Person A told Person G that it's not funny and a bit on-the-nose considering what he was put through.
Person G laughs it off saying that Person B has no problem with it being a joke.
Person B is seen as the leader of Group C

Basically . . . Person A had no reason to feel and think as they did because Person B has no issues with it and it was a joke. Sometimes, jokes aren't funny and they can hurt like hell.

So there comes a point in ones life when you have to sit down and think about the company you keep. Can you be you around your friends or do you have to hide? If you have to hide, they are not your friends. If they make fun of you or debate you, they are not your friends. If they use another friend to justify their ends to a means, they are not your friends. If what you think and say doesn't matter to them, they are not your friends.

Friends support you and share their life and inner most darkest secrets with you and vice versa. It's a two lane road but if your are pulling the weight to uphold a friendship, let it fall along the way because obviously it's not worth it to the other person.

It's easy for me to preach but it's hard for me to practice . . . friends mean everything to me and it hurts when I know that I am considered to be beneath them; that what I say and think doesn't matter. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I know I should walk away but if I do . . . I have nothing there for me any more when I return besides family.  I guess you could say, dear reader, that I am afraid of being alone.

When it's all been said and done many times over, the same old dance, I guess there's nothing left to say but goodbye . . . because I've got nothing left to lose but so much more to gain.